Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
