i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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