i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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