How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
