im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
