your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
