He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
