if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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