I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
