My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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