Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
