he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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