If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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