FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
