My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
