Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
