1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
