Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
