i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
