i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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