When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
