I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
