A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
