hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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