It's just like the Real World with babies
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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