Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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