The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
