I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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