sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
