found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize