i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
