he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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