3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
