My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
