Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
