So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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