I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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