when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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