Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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