dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize