I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
