I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
