And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
