just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hippo gnu deer
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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