i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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