Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
