I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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