i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
