please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think people are normalizing furries
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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