You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize