They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
