I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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