She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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