I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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