I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
