We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
