My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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