before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
