Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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