Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
