we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
