Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
