did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
