I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
