Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize