Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
