Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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