My hand turned me down
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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