She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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