HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
