I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
