I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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