i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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