my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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