I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
