His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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