So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
