Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
