the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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