My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize