How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize