im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
