I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
