if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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