that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
