I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
