I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize