Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
