if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
