Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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